I am excited to write this post since I recently attended my Brother's wedding. I did took note of the happenings during few more recent weddings I attended in the recent past.
The traditional method of Tamil Brahmin marriages happen for 5 days while it is now shrunk to 3 or 2 days. While the Rituals are significantly taken care by the Sastrigal, there are quite a lot of things to be taken care by the Bride and groom's family.
Few decades ago, the entire background work like the catering, preparing the items required during the event including Aarthi, garlands, Kolam, decoration were taken care by the family members. While the concept of outsourcing is now becoming a successful trend, all these are taken care by a contractor for which they charge a bulk amount of money. This has now become unavoidable due to the smaller size of family as well unlike olden days where there will be a minimum of 4 brothers/sisters who take the responsibility of each department.
Before the 3 days rituals are started both the families perform Samaradhanai and Pondugal in their home. The Groom's family performs the Pondugal after marriage/ Daughter in law steps in which will also help her understand the rituals of her new family.
Pondugal should be completed first and then Samaradhanai.
Before the bride and the groom's family start from their home towards to the Kalyana Mandapam, elders used to advise to go to a near by Vinayagar temple and offer a Sathur thengai. This is to pay homage to god seeking blessings so that the function goes on well.
Day 1 starts with Vratham where both the bride and groom's family complete the Ritual with the assistance of the Sastrigal appointed for the purpose. Nowadays these are performed in the Chatram/Marriage Hall booked. Both the parents and the bride and groom need to fast until the Vratham is completed.
Few Basics to be followed:
1. Madisar and Panchakacham is the mandatory costume for the Parents of the bride and groom during the Vratham, Nichayadhartham and Paanigrahanam.
2. The sister of the bride groom accompanies the Bride during the saree draping session and welcoming her to the stage where the function happens. this is basically to develop the relationship between them.
3. During the Aarthi sessions, one elder from each side bride and groom to accompany.
4. Appam to be brought and placed during Vratham by Athai of bride and in turn the Bride groom family offers a small amount as a token of respect.
5. Paaligai thelikkaradhu is an important activity performed during Vratham. Sumangalis used to be part of this Ritual. In turn the bridge and groom's family has to give them Sandanam, Kumkum, Vethalai Paakku and a small amount as Sambavanai.
6. New dress offered by the mom's family of the parents at both end.
7. Paruppu thengai to be placed during the Vratham and betrothal separately.
8. Ensure the Bride groom's sister and the Bride's brother are available at the stage since they need perform few activities during the Betrothal
9. When there are more than one Brother or Sister it will be even more happy and they share the activities
10. There will be guests who visit only on the day 1 and may not be able to visit on the day of marriage. Need to ensure that Thamboolam is provided to those without fail.
The importance of Paaligai is that the elders bless the to be couple and apply water on the Dhanyam which will sprout well notifying that their life will be flourished well in a similar manner. Sastrigal takes care of these rituals and guides us to perform this. For the sake of information, the below picture depicts about how we perform this ritual. There are 5 mud cups in which the Dhanyam are kept. We need to start from the center and then the one on the top and then clockwise order. In all functions the rotation is clockwise.
Naandhi is also performed on the day 1 by both families. We need to purchase 9 sets of Veshti and Angavasthram, Rice packets (Raw Rice), Raw Plantain, Coconut, Betal leaves and nuts, Panchapathiram.
The family members should wait around since the Saasthrigal will ask us to go for Prathakshanam around the 9 Brahmanas to whom the above mentioned items will be offered.
Since the reception is usually scheduled on the day before wedding, the Nichayadhartham is performed after the Vratham. While we perform a Betrothal well in advance before the marriage, the one that is conducted also is significant. The reason behind is to announce the Poorvigam of both the families where a good number of friends and relatives are present. In olden days where the media for communication is less, this helped a lot to announce the background of the families including their Native place, ancestral details of both families, date of marriage, Muhurtham time and the venue are included in the Nichayadhartha Pathirikkai. This is loudly read by the Sastrigal of both sides so that all of them are aware of the details.
In case of any discrepancies noted the same shall be raised at this time. Decades back when communication is slow this method of announcing helped in identifying the background of the families and clarify any doubts that may arise.
Reception is not usually a traditional occasion. You can handle it in the way you desire discussing with your friends and family.
Few tips for the bride and the groom's family to get prepared with the below for the function:
Buy gifts for the visitors and guests. It may be a Sarees and Dhotis for elders and some return gifts. this is definitely not mandatory and may vary as per the convenience.
Badhil Mariyadhai for the sambandhi at both sides is also required. This is usually a nice Silk Saree and a dress for the elders.
Bride groom's sister is the one who will tie the 2 knots during the Mangalya Dhanranam. The Bride's family honors her with a return gift which is usually a Saree.
Nowadays Palum pazhamum during Unjal is offered in a small silver cup so that the to be couple dont wet their hands. You may choose to get that or keep a towel ready to wipe their hands.
The Seer Bakshanam is a traditional one that we follow. It is usually 7 rounds Murukku, 7 Rounds Mullu Murukku, Adhirasam, Big Laddu and Mysore Pak. It is offered usually as 51 or 101 numbers.
Ensure that you have a good plan to distribute these to relatives.One of the relatives usually takes care of the distribution of gifts, Sweets and Thamboolam.
The households for the to be couple is also bought in advance so that they have all they need to start their new life. In few families, these are bought but not used since these are already available in abundance in the bride groom's home. Plan well and get only those that are required.
Pachapidi samaan is mandatory to be purchased and kept ready. This includes Brass Kuthi Vilakku, a wide Brass bowl, Brass Sombu - 2, Brass Padi used as a measurement.
The Bride groom's sister usually takes care of the Vilayaadal saaman. This is to create a good rapport with the new daughter in law to the home. This includes dresses, Comb, Bangles, Mirror, Nuts, Studs, Neck sets etc;
Will continue in the next post about Marriage - Day 2
The traditional method of Tamil Brahmin marriages happen for 5 days while it is now shrunk to 3 or 2 days. While the Rituals are significantly taken care by the Sastrigal, there are quite a lot of things to be taken care by the Bride and groom's family.
Few decades ago, the entire background work like the catering, preparing the items required during the event including Aarthi, garlands, Kolam, decoration were taken care by the family members. While the concept of outsourcing is now becoming a successful trend, all these are taken care by a contractor for which they charge a bulk amount of money. This has now become unavoidable due to the smaller size of family as well unlike olden days where there will be a minimum of 4 brothers/sisters who take the responsibility of each department.
Before the 3 days rituals are started both the families perform Samaradhanai and Pondugal in their home. The Groom's family performs the Pondugal after marriage/ Daughter in law steps in which will also help her understand the rituals of her new family.
Pondugal should be completed first and then Samaradhanai.
Before the bride and the groom's family start from their home towards to the Kalyana Mandapam, elders used to advise to go to a near by Vinayagar temple and offer a Sathur thengai. This is to pay homage to god seeking blessings so that the function goes on well.
Day 1 starts with Vratham where both the bride and groom's family complete the Ritual with the assistance of the Sastrigal appointed for the purpose. Nowadays these are performed in the Chatram/Marriage Hall booked. Both the parents and the bride and groom need to fast until the Vratham is completed.
1. Madisar and Panchakacham is the mandatory costume for the Parents of the bride and groom during the Vratham, Nichayadhartham and Paanigrahanam.
2. The sister of the bride groom accompanies the Bride during the saree draping session and welcoming her to the stage where the function happens. this is basically to develop the relationship between them.
3. During the Aarthi sessions, one elder from each side bride and groom to accompany.
4. Appam to be brought and placed during Vratham by Athai of bride and in turn the Bride groom family offers a small amount as a token of respect.
5. Paaligai thelikkaradhu is an important activity performed during Vratham. Sumangalis used to be part of this Ritual. In turn the bridge and groom's family has to give them Sandanam, Kumkum, Vethalai Paakku and a small amount as Sambavanai.
6. New dress offered by the mom's family of the parents at both end.
7. Paruppu thengai to be placed during the Vratham and betrothal separately.
8. Ensure the Bride groom's sister and the Bride's brother are available at the stage since they need perform few activities during the Betrothal
9. When there are more than one Brother or Sister it will be even more happy and they share the activities
10. There will be guests who visit only on the day 1 and may not be able to visit on the day of marriage. Need to ensure that Thamboolam is provided to those without fail.
The importance of Paaligai is that the elders bless the to be couple and apply water on the Dhanyam which will sprout well notifying that their life will be flourished well in a similar manner. Sastrigal takes care of these rituals and guides us to perform this. For the sake of information, the below picture depicts about how we perform this ritual. There are 5 mud cups in which the Dhanyam are kept. We need to start from the center and then the one on the top and then clockwise order. In all functions the rotation is clockwise.
Naandhi is also performed on the day 1 by both families. We need to purchase 9 sets of Veshti and Angavasthram, Rice packets (Raw Rice), Raw Plantain, Coconut, Betal leaves and nuts, Panchapathiram.
The family members should wait around since the Saasthrigal will ask us to go for Prathakshanam around the 9 Brahmanas to whom the above mentioned items will be offered.
Since the reception is usually scheduled on the day before wedding, the Nichayadhartham is performed after the Vratham. While we perform a Betrothal well in advance before the marriage, the one that is conducted also is significant. The reason behind is to announce the Poorvigam of both the families where a good number of friends and relatives are present. In olden days where the media for communication is less, this helped a lot to announce the background of the families including their Native place, ancestral details of both families, date of marriage, Muhurtham time and the venue are included in the Nichayadhartha Pathirikkai. This is loudly read by the Sastrigal of both sides so that all of them are aware of the details.
In case of any discrepancies noted the same shall be raised at this time. Decades back when communication is slow this method of announcing helped in identifying the background of the families and clarify any doubts that may arise.
Reception is not usually a traditional occasion. You can handle it in the way you desire discussing with your friends and family.
Few tips for the bride and the groom's family to get prepared with the below for the function:
Buy gifts for the visitors and guests. It may be a Sarees and Dhotis for elders and some return gifts. this is definitely not mandatory and may vary as per the convenience.
Badhil Mariyadhai for the sambandhi at both sides is also required. This is usually a nice Silk Saree and a dress for the elders.
Bride groom's sister is the one who will tie the 2 knots during the Mangalya Dhanranam. The Bride's family honors her with a return gift which is usually a Saree.
Nowadays Palum pazhamum during Unjal is offered in a small silver cup so that the to be couple dont wet their hands. You may choose to get that or keep a towel ready to wipe their hands.
The Seer Bakshanam is a traditional one that we follow. It is usually 7 rounds Murukku, 7 Rounds Mullu Murukku, Adhirasam, Big Laddu and Mysore Pak. It is offered usually as 51 or 101 numbers.
Ensure that you have a good plan to distribute these to relatives.One of the relatives usually takes care of the distribution of gifts, Sweets and Thamboolam.
The households for the to be couple is also bought in advance so that they have all they need to start their new life. In few families, these are bought but not used since these are already available in abundance in the bride groom's home. Plan well and get only those that are required.
Pachapidi samaan is mandatory to be purchased and kept ready. This includes Brass Kuthi Vilakku, a wide Brass bowl, Brass Sombu - 2, Brass Padi used as a measurement.
The Bride groom's sister usually takes care of the Vilayaadal saaman. This is to create a good rapport with the new daughter in law to the home. This includes dresses, Comb, Bangles, Mirror, Nuts, Studs, Neck sets etc;
Will continue in the next post about Marriage - Day 2
Good post . I had a 5 day full orthodox wedding sans the pomp and grandeur that marks present day weddings it was more rituals. The religious aspects are the most significant which unfortunately the vadhiyars have to dilute due to pressure from families. Keep it up .
ReplyDeleteThat's nice to know about your wedding Radhaji. True that, we compromise on the vaideeha things due to time constraints.
DeleteNicely written and explained Mythili.