Marriage Day 2 - Part II

So the rituals conducted by the Sastrigal is over now. The grand lunch post marriage is now offered to the couple. Now elders help them to have some fun. The couple is asked to share the food that they eat. Usually they share sweets served. The Kalyana Virundhu commonly includes the below menu:

1. Paruppu Payasam
2. Thayir Pachadi
3. Sweet Pachadi
4. Carrot Kosumalli
5. Sweet Kosumalli
6. Urulai Kaara curry
7. Beans paruppu usili
8. Aviyal
9. Paruppu Vadai
10. Jalebi
11. Sadaam
12. Paruppu & Ghee
13. Mixed Vegeatable Sambar
14. Vathal Kuzhambu
15. Rasam
16. Appalam
17. Thayir/Curd/Buttermilk
18. Pickle

The game is now in our hands. Yesss.... We will now start with Grahapravesam which is an interesting and important ritual conducted after Marriage. This is the first time the Bride is invited to the home of Groom officially after marriage. Those who reside close the the Kalyana Mandapam take them to the Groom's home. Else this is conducted within the Mandapam itself. The room where the Groom stays is treated as the home and the ritual is conducted here. Someone from the groom's family has to go and invite the bride's family for grahapravesam by offering Sandanam and Kumkum.

If it is conducted at home, some one has to go there before the bride and groom come for grahapravesam. They apply Kolam and prepare Palum, pazhamum to offer to the newly wedded couple. Aarthi is also taken before they enter the home. While going to home take some thamboolam to offer to those who come for the grahapravesam. Nowadays, some return gift that may include blouse piece is also offered. One set of Paruppu thengai is also mandatory for Grahapravesam to be brought by the Bride's family.

Both the Bride and the groom's family assemble for the Nalungu Function in the evening. At the beginning of the function both the families assemble in groups and sit opposite to each other. The entire show is now to show their expertise and win the show (All for pure Fun:) The bride and groom also prepare themselves with some songs to sing during the Nalungu. The Caterer arrange the things that are required for this occasion. Arisi, Paruppu, Salt Sandanam, Kumkum, Nalungu, One coconut applied with turmeric, Appalam, Thamboolam, Mirror, Comb.

There are some rules set for this function. I have heard from elders that these are followed when Child marriage was in existence. All these small games allow them to mingle with each other.

Usually elders head this function. Uncle and Aunts support their respective side. At times there are silly little fights pop up during this function. Looking back at those after 20 years of my marriage brings a big smile in my face.

Generally the Nalungu function goes like this... The bride has to invite the groom for the Nalungu function. Rice will be give to the groom and Paruppu (Dhall) with the bride. Now the Bride has to ask the groom to exchange Rice and Dhall. This is repeated 3 times. First the Bride has to give rice and asks for exchange. Once the exchange is done the mixed Rice and Dhall are kept in both hands and form a fist. Then the mixture is rotated thrice around the head and thrown at back (Usually on the head for fun). This is done by both Bride and Groom. The other one try to escape while attempting to throw on the head.  This creates a lot of fun and each other at times give away and have it on their head.

The the comb is given to the Bride and she is asked to comb the hair of the groom. The elders at the groom's side make fun and used to tell that the style is not looking great giving the bride opportunity to do it once again. While combing the hair each one has to hold the chin using one hand and comb using the other hand. Once the combing is done the Bride will show the mirror to the groom for him to check if it looking good. And now the Bride playfully show the back side of the mirror.

Then comes the most interesting game of Breaking of Appalam. 6 Roasted Appalams (Not fried - Sutta Appalam) are kept ready. The Bride takes the turn first. Each appalam is taken in each hand. This is rotated thrice around the head and then dash both the appalam allowing it to break and fall on the head of the groom. Again it goes the way as Rice. Each one tries to escape from the Appalam pieces falling on their head. And the winning point is how they manage to spill it on the head.

Now the Bride has to apply Nalungu on the foot of Groom. Naughty aunts and Uncles guides the Bride to do it with perfection notifying small corrections. 

Now the Groom has to repeat the whole thing again. The Bride does everything in standing posture and the groom has to sit and do it. The groom after combing the hair of Bride (only usually on the forehead) has to offer flowers.

Finally the coconut is used for the game. Initially the Coconut is used as a ball and rolled between the couple to play for a while. Then the bride has to hold it using Both hands tightly and the groom tries to gather it with one hand. When the Groom's turn comes he has to hold with single hand. The bride now tries to take the coconut using both hands.

Betal leaves and Nuts are offered to each other. The Bride has to prepare it for the groom and vice versa. It is believed that the color of the tongue after chewing the mixture turns dark red indicating the love against each other.

Once all the above activities are done both the Bride and groom are expected to sing a song. Once it is completed, the Bride joins the Groom and Aarthi is taken to complete this occasion.

Few families have the practice of Pachai Vazhikkaradhu after Nalungu. This is basically a Dhristi removing activity. Kajal is used and is applied on both the cheeks of the couple. Then they are asked to take bath. before taking bath we should not touch them.

Marriage - Day 2 - Part I

This day is most memorable in every one's life. Tamil Brahmin wedding - day starts with Mangala Snanam. Athai is the most preferred person to do this. Next choice would be Maami. The bride and groom's family does this for them separately. Basically they are made to sit in a Manai palaga which was decorated with Kolam and then offer Santhanam and Kumkum to them. Then gingely oil is applied on their head. They need to then have bath.

Before this event, Athai of the Bride has to give Appa koodai. This includes appam, a mirror, Betal leaves and nuts. This is accompanied by Toilet items which we call as Pal theikkara Bakshanam. This includes Soap for taking bath, Shaving set items, towel, Powder, Comb etc., Parijaragan (cooking assistant) has to place a tub filled with warm water for taking bath. Believe this was a habit in those days where marriage is performed in home itself combining few more houses in the same town or village.

The groom has to be prepared for the Kasi Yathirai now. The Bride's family will keep the umbrella, Bagavat gita book, Hand fan and Chappals ready for this occasion. The brother of the Bride accompanies the groom and lift the umbrella for him. 

When the bride and groom proceed for the kaasi yaatra occasion they have to wear the garlands. This is usually done by their respective Maternal uncle. 

Paternal Aunt of the groom applies Kaajal (kan mai) to the groom on the cheeks. 

The groom then walks towards the out gate starting his journey to Kaasi. We need to be prepared with the mentioned items for this occasion. The bride should be prepared with the dressing and come forward to proceed with the exchange of the garlands. The bride should now wear a six yards saree purchased for Uunjal function. This saree is usually gifted by the maternal uncle. It is also a practice that the Uncle gift Metti to be worn after marriage and a Neli modhiram (finger ring). The bride's father interrupt and ask him to come back and marry his daughter. The groom then accepts the offer and return back.

All these rituals are supported by the Sastrigal himself. The groom now holds the hand of Bride which is called as Paanigrahanam. The Saastrigal explained this clearly during the wedding. Paani means Hand. Grahanam means hold (patrudhal in tamil). So the occasion of holding the hands of bride is called as Paanigrahanam.

Exchanging of garlands is a very interesting occasion which everyone enjoys. Maternal Uncle of the bride and the groom supports them in exchanging the garlands. The bride and the groom challenges each other before accepting the garland. They are lifted by the Uncle in their shoulders making it a challenge for the other one. Have heard that those days when the bride and groom are too young these are done to make them have fun. Maalai Saatrinal Kothai Malai Matrinal is a famous song sung during this occasion.

Then the groom holds the hands of the bride and proceeds towards the Uunjal. Now the singers of the family should be prepared to sing Uunjal songs which is a super hit in our family.  Kannunjal aadi irundhal and Seetha kalyana Vaibogame are famous songs sung during this occasion. My cousins are super veterans in singing and they fill every marriage in our family with super good songs that we cherish for ever. 

While the singing is happening the Palum pazhamum is offered to the bride and groom. Those days we used to have hand towels ready to swipe the hands. Nowadays small handy silver cups are bought and used to have the palum pazhamum. The Maami and Athai are the most important people who need to mandatorily do this. Mom's and other elders also need to do this. The first one to start this is the groom's mom followed by the Bride's mom. Then maami, athai and other elders. They need to wear madisaar while performing this ritual. First they need to dip their thumbs in milk kept in the cup and apply on the foot of the bride and groom thrice. Then wipe the same using the Saree Pallu. Then they offer the milk and plantain fruit mixer to the to be couple thrice. The Maami or Athai of the bride does this first to the Groom and vice versa.

 Once this is done then comes the hilarious Pachapidi ritual. This is basically to remove the dhristhi to the young to be couple.  Rice balls in Red and yellow colors are kept ready for this function. Again the same elders have to perform this ritual. Usually, 5, 7, 9 or 11 Sumangalis are expected to do both these rituals. The plate in which the Rice balls are kept need to be rotated thrice clock wise and anti clock wise facing the to be couple. Then one by one the rice balls are picked and again rotate thrice as above. First ball to be thrown on the east, west, south and North directions respectively. these balls fall on those who stands on the sides at times. We used to have fun during this event when the Rice balls hit some one's head or while the ladies target some one purely for fun.

Once this is done, 5 Sumangalis wearing Madisaar should be prepared with the below mentioned Brass vessels.

1. Pithalai Sombu - 2
2. Pithalai Adukku - 1
3. Kuthu Vilakku - 1
4. Pithalai Padi - 1

The Sumangalis usually include the Bride and the groom's mom, Maami and athai. The first one and the last one has to take the Sombu filled with Water, the second one has to Lit the Kuthu Vilakku (the upper half portion of the lamp alone) and place it inside the Adukku, the Padi to be filled with Paddy and a coconut on top and then one more person with the Sombu filled with Water. These 5 ladies are already informed in advance by both families. The 5 ladies in inclusive of both Bride and bride groom's family. They have to go around the Swing thrice. The first and last one has to slowly spread the water while going around the Swing. At the end Aarthi is taken for the bride and the groom with the left over Rice balls mixed in water. This Ritual is also guided by the Saastrigal. So you may just be prepared with the Pachapidi saaman ( which the marriage contractors take care) and Sumangalis to do this Ritual. The below picture depicts how the adukku need to be held during this occasion.

Then the bride and groom are taken to the stage where the marriage is proposed to happen. The Saastrigal again takes care of the Rituals to be conducted which includes Kannigaa dhanam. While Kanniga Dhaanam takes place the Kothram of the bride is changed to that of the groom.

Then the koorai pudavai is offered to the bride and she is accompanied by the to be sister in law to drape the 9 yards saree. When she is back wearing the 9 yards saree then Maangalya Dharanam takes place.  The slogas or the Mantras all carry lot of meaning which I heard in one of the marriages was explained well by the Sastrigal. While marrying the groom and the bride agree to be supporting each other throughout the rest of the life. Be it any situation they agree to will handhold each other.

The Sastrigal also explained that Mangalya dharanam is not part of marriage before several decades. However this is the announcement that the groom is making to those who witness the marriage that he is now marrying the bride and accepting her as life partner. This is done while the bride sits on the lap of her father. The first knot is made by the groom and the other two knots are made by the sister in law.

Once the marriage is done, Sastrigal advises us not to hand shake with the couple till the Sapthapathy is completed.

Now both the families has to give Paladhanam to each other's family members. This includes a set of Betal leaves and nuts, a Banana, Sandanam and Kumkum, a small amount of cash which can even be a Re. 1/-.  This is given to the family members both gents and ladies.

While Sastrigal takes care of the the other rituals, you may now start treating the guests with Lunch and offer them the return gift and Bakshanam.

The brother of Bride should be now made available for the Pori idara function. When he performs this, the Groom's family honors him with a golden Ring. If it is not affordable, a small amount of cash can also be offered.

The sister of the groom who tied the two knots of the Maangalyam is also honored with Saree as a token of love and thanks.

Ensure that the Parents of the bride and groom and the bride and groom themselves observe fasting till all the Rituals are completed.

Badhil Mariyadhai to the sampandhi's is also important. Saree and Dhothi are purchased for each other which we call as Badhil mariyadhai.

Maami will help in wearing the toe rings (metti) for the bride.

Once the Sastrigal confirms that the rituals are all done, the guests can come over and start blessing the newly married couple.

I will write the event of Nalungu in a separate post since I think this is a lengthy one.

Marriage - Day 1

I am excited to write this post since I recently attended my Brother's wedding. I did took note of the happenings during few more recent weddings I attended in the recent past.

The traditional method of Tamil Brahmin marriages happen for 5 days while it is now shrunk to 3 or 2 days. While the Rituals are significantly taken care by the Sastrigal, there are quite a lot of things to be taken care by the Bride and groom's family.

Few decades ago, the entire background work like the catering, preparing the items required during the event including Aarthi, garlands, Kolam, decoration were taken care by the family members. While the concept of outsourcing is now becoming a successful trend, all these are taken care by a contractor for which they charge a bulk amount of money. This has now become unavoidable due to the smaller size of family as well unlike olden days where there will be a minimum of 4 brothers/sisters who take the responsibility of each department.

Before the 3 days rituals are started both the families perform Samaradhanai and Pondugal in their home. The Groom's family performs the Pondugal after marriage/ Daughter in law steps in which will also help her understand the rituals of her new family.
Pondugal should be completed first and then Samaradhanai.

Before the bride and the groom's family start from their home towards to the Kalyana Mandapam, elders used to advise to go to a near by Vinayagar temple and offer a Sathur thengai. This is to pay homage to god seeking blessings so that the function goes on well.

Day 1 starts with Vratham where both the bride and groom's family complete the Ritual with the assistance of the Sastrigal appointed for the purpose. Nowadays these are performed in the Chatram/Marriage Hall booked. Both the parents and the bride and groom need to fast until the Vratham is completed.

Few Basics to be followed:

1. Madisar and Panchakacham is the mandatory costume for the Parents of the bride and groom during the Vratham, Nichayadhartham and Paanigrahanam.
2. The sister of the bride groom accompanies the Bride during the saree draping session and welcoming her to the stage where the function happens. this is basically to develop the relationship between them.
3. During the Aarthi sessions, one elder from each side bride and groom to accompany.
4. Appam to be brought and placed during Vratham by Athai of bride and in turn the Bride groom family offers a small amount as a token of respect.
5. Paaligai thelikkaradhu is an important activity performed during Vratham. Sumangalis used to be part of this Ritual. In turn the bridge and groom's family has to give them Sandanam, Kumkum, Vethalai Paakku and a small amount as Sambavanai.
6. New dress offered by the mom's family of the parents at both end.
7. Paruppu thengai to be placed during the Vratham and betrothal separately.
8. Ensure the Bride groom's sister and the Bride's brother are available at the stage since they need perform few activities during the Betrothal
9. When there are more than one Brother or Sister it will be even more happy and they share the activities
10. There will be guests who visit only on the day 1 and may not be able to visit on the day of marriage. Need to ensure that Thamboolam is provided to those without fail.

The importance of Paaligai is that the elders bless the to be couple and apply water on the  Dhanyam which will sprout well notifying that their life will be flourished well in a similar manner. Sastrigal takes care of these rituals and guides us to perform this. For the sake of information, the below picture depicts about how we perform this ritual. There are 5 mud cups in which the Dhanyam are kept. We need to start from the center and then the one on the top and then clockwise order. In all functions the rotation is clockwise.

Naandhi is also performed on the day 1 by both families. We need to purchase 9 sets of Veshti and Angavasthram, Rice packets (Raw Rice), Raw Plantain, Coconut, Betal leaves and nuts, Panchapathiram.

The family members should wait around since the Saasthrigal will ask us to go for Prathakshanam around the 9 Brahmanas to whom the above mentioned items will be offered.

Since the reception is usually scheduled on the day before wedding, the Nichayadhartham is performed after the Vratham. While we perform a Betrothal well in advance before the marriage, the one that is conducted also is significant. The reason behind is to announce the Poorvigam of both the families where a good number of friends and relatives are present. In olden days where the media for communication is less, this helped a lot to announce the background of the families including their Native place, ancestral details of both families, date of marriage, Muhurtham time and the venue are included in the Nichayadhartha Pathirikkai. This is loudly read by the Sastrigal of both sides so that all of them are aware of the details.

In case of any discrepancies noted the same shall be raised at this time. Decades back when communication is slow this method of announcing helped in identifying the background of the families and clarify any doubts that may arise.

Reception is not usually a traditional occasion. You can handle it in the way you desire discussing with your friends and family.

Few tips for the bride and the groom's family to get prepared with the below for the function:

Buy gifts for the visitors and guests. It may be a Sarees and Dhotis for elders and some return gifts. this is definitely not mandatory and may vary as per the convenience.

Badhil Mariyadhai for the sambandhi at both sides is also required. This is usually a nice Silk Saree and a dress for the elders.

Bride groom's sister is the one who will tie the 2 knots during the Mangalya Dhanranam. The Bride's family honors her with a return gift which is usually a Saree.

Nowadays Palum pazhamum during Unjal is offered in a small silver cup so that the to be couple dont wet their hands. You may choose to get that or keep a towel ready to wipe their hands.

The Seer Bakshanam is a traditional one that we follow. It is usually 7 rounds Murukku, 7 Rounds Mullu Murukku, Adhirasam, Big Laddu and Mysore Pak. It is offered usually as 51 or 101 numbers.
Ensure that you have a good plan to distribute these to relatives.One of the relatives usually takes care of the distribution of gifts, Sweets and Thamboolam.

The households for the to be couple is also bought in advance so that they have all they need to start their new life. In few families, these are bought but not used since these are already available in abundance in the bride groom's home. Plan well and get only those that are required.

Pachapidi samaan is mandatory to be purchased and kept ready. This includes Brass Kuthi Vilakku, a wide Brass bowl, Brass Sombu - 2, Brass Padi used as a measurement.

The Bride groom's sister usually takes care of the Vilayaadal saaman. This is to create a good rapport with the new daughter in law to the home. This includes dresses, Comb, Bangles, Mirror, Nuts, Studs, Neck sets etc;

Will continue in the next post about Marriage - Day 2